god hates me i think

i am so tired i actually feel like i am dying... like i think this might be what dying feels like. i had these plans to write this awesome posting about hilarious stuff my students said/ wrote today. but i ended up getting back late from school, took the dog over to my mom's to play while i worked but instead i just ended up staring at the papers incomprehensibly. around 5:30 i headed home and stopped by to say hi to pete before i took the puppy to puppy kindergarten. that went fine... roscoe was great as usual. pete was supposed to come and hang out with me and sarah but i was so tired i just couldn't imagine even looking at someone else let alone talking to someone else so i had to call and cancel. i finally stumbled into the apartment around 8:30... making it 15 hours out of the house. it's the second week of school and i want to just be caught up with grading, not even ahead and because i've chosen to "socialize" and "be happy" i am easily twice as miserable as i was at my most stressed out last year. i didn't even enjoy puppy kindgarten - i always enjoy puppy kindergarten. maybe i'm just exhausted, maybe i am just sad and maybe i'll feel totally different in the morning. this is very possible. but right life feels pretty stupid and futile and... wake up tired, go to work tired, teach tired, get home tired, play with puppy tired, do work if able tired, go to be tired, wake up to take puppy out in the middle of the night tired... wake up tired...

i just want to sleep until my life gets sorted because the middle bits are a huge pain in the ass. i want my stuff to be graded, i want my life to be balanced, i want my dog to stop trying to shred my quilt and having to go to the bathroom at 2 in the morning. i want every teacher in the school to stop trying to scare me about my period 2. i want to not be lonely. i want to like talking on the phone so people will stop giving me shit. i want my roommate to be around more than 3 hours a week. i want to have enough energy to actually take walks in the evening.