So now that the truth is out...

... this thing can be moderately less vague. though still respectfully distant.

had planned on getting more sleep on friday then i did and even though i woke up late (as in got out of bed) roscoe had me up twice for walkies which, while i love him and it usually doesn't bother me, has been rough now that I am going to bed later. stuff has been tough lately in general. i don't know if it's that i am no longer used to the schedule of schooling, the whole sarah, situation or what not but it's been a bit of a struggle lately. however, i did promise myself that this year would differ in social habits... i promised myself i would try to hang out with friends and not immerse myself to the point of mania in my school work. i actually managed to achieve this last weekend.

friday was low key but i was exshausted so that was fair.

saturday an old friend of mine (pete) from high school texted me about going to the oyster festival i got wicked excited because there are rides and food outside... we all know how much i love rides and eating food outside. however, when he texted i was in the throws of productivity so i asked if we could go around 5:30 so we planned on walking from the apartment down to the fest (in the big park that was is on the right as you walk towards the ice cream place by the water). we walked down and got there and as it had been raining for the past couple of days the field was wicked soppy and gross. nevertheless we slogged our way over to the food where i got one of the best pulled pork sandwiches i have ever eaten. we wandered around and were generally disappointed by what the fair had to offer (the last time either of us had gone was with a group of friends when we were 17) - there seemed to be more fun stuff then. however, as to not waste the entrance fee we went on one subpar ride and ended up walking back to the apartment.

now for a bit of context - pete i and i were absolutely best friends for two or so years in high school. we grew apart when his then girlfriend decided i was the devil which sucked but i got over it pretty quickly. i didn't hang out with him once our senior year or throughout college or there after. then, one day when sarah and i were at the art supply store back in march we saw him there working and invited him over to hang out (sarah was part of this group of friends as well). he came over like a week later and we all hung out and talked but it felt weird because he was a total stranger. it was the same face, same voice, but he was completely alien which was one of the more bizzare friend experiences i've ever had. i guess i've never hung out with someone after not seeing them for six years. after he left sarah bubbled about how good it was to see him and i was just like "yah, it was" but really i was kind of sad because i figured that because we had been such good friends before, that we'd mesh again but that didn't feel like that was the case. a few weeks later we all went to see a movie and it was the same deal, he just wasn't the pete i remembered. had i not established the resolution of "more socializing" i probably wouldn't have gone to the oyster fest because the last two times i had seen pete it was, as stated not fun. but, in honor of focusing on goals i said sure. things were still weird and unfun down to and back from the oyster fest but started to get a bit better when sarah met up with us after she was done with work to get coffee. later on sarah "had" to go to white plains to see mike/rob. again. before she left i asked if we could get dinner sunday night she surprisingly said yes so i was excited. once sarah left, i had to kick pete out because i was exshausted and wanted to sleep.

even though i settled in shortly after everyone departed, i didn't get much sleep because roscoe apparently drank 5 gallons of water while i wasn't looking... i was up at 2, 5 and 9... i think the reason it's hard is because it breaks up the night and make it feel like i am barely getting any sleep. regardless, i love him - even though sometimes he is so annoying i want to pinch his little puppy ear.

when i finally dragged myself into the daylight world around 11 I had to get ready to go to the new haven ikea - my bookcase had collapsed before leaving for england and i haven't bothered to replace it because it didn't really matter before. now it does. a lot. a) i had no where to put my papers b) i was afraid it would collapse on my curious little puppy. i went at 1:30, got there at 2, had lunch with eva (who is still whining about her new job... even though it's awesome) which was quite nice and then picked out a bookcase with the gift card money i had left over from march. the book case isn't the right color, depth, or height and i am not please. not please at all. however, i needed the bookcase and i had a gift card and it would have been stupid to go anywhere else for it even though that Ikea in particular make me want to gouge my eyes out with one of their economically cut pine slats. I didn't end up getting home until 5:30. i figured i would have a nice break when sarah and i went out to dinner but surprise surprise she didn't stroll in until about 7:30 and had some cheese and crackers and didn't even mention dinner i am 95% sure she forgot, or didn't mention it because she had totally stayed in white plains instead of coming back to hang out with me as planned. but whatever. I stopped building and cleaning around 8:30 when i had to stop from sheer depression at how the day had been wasted. at that point i was too tired to do any work and too angry at myself for wasting time to do anything else so i just laid around...

what it comes down to is even though my resolution is smart and i do need to follow through (both for myself and for the people who care about me), it makes me unprepared for school (well, not as prepared as i'd like). didn't get grading done, didn't get materials developed, didn't get lessons planned as i had wanted to. while it was good to see pete and re-establish a friendship with him and it was good to see eva and i got the bookcase i needed and built it, none of it felt worth it (isn't that awful...) when i look back at this weekend i wish i had done more work, which is sick i realize. last year i had a particularly lovely/ funny outlet that would help me to forget about my work and just relax. nothing else in my life does that, as far as i can tell. with that lovely/ funny outlet no longer active in my life i can't escape the constant pressure of work...